I haven't cried this much since....well I've never cried this much.

Yesterday before noon, I cried half a dozen times. Between noon and 3 pm, I cried another half dozen times. I just can't stop. All this crying continued today, too. They aren't all sad tears, some are happy tears. Happy tears from listening to Kadence talk about how if Cruella De Vil ever comes to take her puppy she'll call the cops and watching her finish a puzzle all by herself. Happy tears from listening Karlie sing "A B C D A B C D A B C D" and watching her smear yogurt all over herself...and the table....and the chair. But, then there's the sad tears, too. They should be happy tears because I'm getting to have these moments, but they're sad because I'm choosing to not see the positive side of this right now. I cried when I rocked Karlie to sleep for her nap. Yes, I still rock my two year-old to sleep. I cried when Kadence told me "M-O-M-O-M-O-Y, that spells my favorite mommy!" I don't want these days to end. Robert tries to make me feel better by saying that the girls are going to grow up and go to school someday, but that's them leaving me, not me leaving them!

Missing the girls isn't all I'm worried about. I'm stressing out about laundry, school work, and everything else that I usually do during the day. If I'm pooped after being home all day, how am I going to survive being at work all day and then coming home to do everything I didn't do?! I know just a few days ago I was saying how much I love my hubby, so I hate to do this. I asked Rob if he's going to help cook dinner and get the girls to bed so I'll be able to do homework, and you know what he said??? "No, because that's the woman's job." FURIOUS. That's all I'm going to say about that. He will be helpful. I'll have to light a fire under his butt, but he WILL be helpful :)

I was going to take a Maymester class, but I think it's a idea better to get into our new groove without having to devote 3 hours a night to homework. That and a short break before summer classes start will be very much appreciated! I'm really anxious to know what branch I'll be working at and get to speak with the manager about my schedule. Everything is up in the air right now, and all I'm sure about is the schedule for training the first two weeks I'll be working. That's another thing that stresses me out. I hope I'll be able to go in late one morning a week so that I can take a class at the school. Chemistry and/or Physics online just isn't going to work for me. I also hope that I'll be able to leave early enough to make a night class. As a loyal follower of ratemyprofessor.com, I've learned that most of the Brit Lit professors have HORRIBLE online classes, so I don't want to chance hating my life for a semester by trying to take it online. I'm just thinking too much right now. I need to sit back and take it one day at a time. I KNOW we will all be fine, this is just the worrier in me doing it's best work.

I'm going to think positive now. I've got a week to soak up as many smiles and as much laughter as I can.

A CRAZY Day

So today was a fun day. I just wanted to stay in my jammies all day, being lazy with my girls. Of course, they think differently than me. So we kissed Rob goodbye as he left for work and went to play outside. Then something terrible happened. Kadence wanted to ride her bike down the street, so I pulled Karlie in her wagon....and a dog followed us home. He wasn't very big, but Perrito (the newest addition to our family - a Jack Russell Terrier / Shih Tzu) was MAD. He bark and pulled at his leash; he really wanted to get that dog. The other dog was so nice though. He just wandered around the yard, but when he went on the porch, Roxy got mad. I mean REALLY MAD. She's barked at strangers and stray dogs before, but never gotten this mad. She wiggled off her collar and attacked the other dog. She was biting him and throwing him around like a little rag doll. She's a beast - super strong - so here I was, looking like an idiot, wrestling with her trying to get her away from the other dog. She took me to the ground three times before I came out victorious and chained her up. By this time, the girls were totally freaked out and I was covered in sweaty mud. Fun times!

So after we all took a shower and ate lunch, I hoped our afternoon would be much less eventful; however, at one o'clock I got a phone call to be at an interview at 3. Yes, a job interview. It is with a heavy heart and tears in my eyes that I now type about this. For the past few years, I've wanted to open a home daycare, and I've had a couple families come and go (mainly go without paying me....GGRRRR! Note to self: Stop letting people take advantage of your kind-heartedness). For the past 6 months, I've been putting ads in the papers, putting flyers up in stores and on telephone, trying to spread it by word of mouth, but we live either too far out of the way or people simply don't want to pay. I mean, does someone REALLY take care of two toddlers from 7 am til 6 pm for $60 a week?! I might be crazy at times, but I'm not that crazy (or stupid). So anyway, I'd still love to stay home with my girls and take care of other kids too, but if the second part doesn't work out and the first part doesn't pay, then I must get a job. I've enjoyed my 3 years of staying at home with my girls and I don't want to leave them :( But I'll leave all that for later. Getting back to the job interview...on Tuesday morning I applied for 11 jobs online and didn't expect to hear back from any of them, because who really wants to hire someone who hasn't been working for the past 3 years and their reason for leaving their previous job was to start a family?! Well Tuesday afternoon I got an email stating that I had 24 hours to complete a telephone interview for a Teller position with Wells Fargo. That went well, so Thursday morning I had a 4 hour long group interview. I must say that I was completely nervous, didn't eat breakfast, nearly threw up when I walked in, and almost left when everyone starting talking about all of their sales experience, because Wells Fargo requires sales experience for their tellers, and although I could sugar coat some of my previous employment experience, really I have ZERO sales experience, unless you count Robert telling me all about HIS sales experiences. (HOW'S THAT FOR RUN-ON SENTENCE?!?!) Back on topic...so I had 2 hours to fix my hair, put my face on, get my girls to Rob's aunt's house, and fight Fiesta Friday traffic to get to the interview. The interview went fabulously. As I told Rob in a text message when he wished me good luck: Who needs luck when you got skills?! Although I got a good vibe from the manager that interviewed me, I was left confused because he thought a Wachovia should have interviewed me. He explained that if I was hired, I would start working at Wachovia, and then after the merger is complete, I'd be a Wells Fargo employee. I was really dreading having another interview and was waiting for the HR lady to call me to schedule it.

Here comes the next monumental event of the day: I went grocery shopping with two kids wearing high heels. That is a first and a last for me. Two hours after the interview, my kids are screaming for donuts in HEB, my feet are achin', and I get a phone from the HR lady - I got the job! So now, I just have to figure out how to not cry every 15 minutes because I know my days spending every waking hour watching my beautiful babies smile and listening to their sweet voices are numbered.

Oh boy, must stop now or my tears might fry my laptop.

Where has the time gone?

Wow, it's been a long time since I've blogged. Every afternoon I tell myself "Today is the day I start blogging again." But after dinner, then our family walk, then bathtime, storytime, and cleaning I want nothing more to sleep, but then there's still a couple hours of homework to do. I could have blogged about lots of interesting things (to me anyway...and the only other person would probably be my mom!) like our battle with Swine Flu, buying our first house, starting a complete make-over on the house, RSV, pneumonia, bronchitis and hospitalization, the holidays, the 4th Anniversary of my 21st birthday....lots of fun things. But my bed is so much more comfy than the computer chair. I'm sure nobody has missed my blog, but keeping a diary was always therapeutic for me and since I haven't done that since junior high, I feel like I need to keep up with this now.

Four years ago today I married my best friend.

Robert used to always laugh when I called him that, but it's true. I don't keep secrets from him. He knows me better than anyone else. Even if he doesn't want to go get a pedicure with me, he's still my best friend.

He has a way of calming me down no matter what's wrong. When I'm acting all psycho and trying to pick fights with him, he just lets me yell whatever I want at him. Then he smiles. Then I realize how stupid I sound, and apologize.

I love how he makes me feel all safe, not only in the dark of night, but safe in knowing that he's going to take care of us.

I love how our little girls have him wrapped around their tiny fingers.

I love how he can't wait to get home from work to see them.

I love how he calls a sandwich a sangwich.

And even though it pisses me off sometimes, I love how he's always right.

I've heard that a girl marries a man like her dad, and I've always made a connection between my dad and Robert. They both stay cool, calm, and collected in the toughest of situations. It's hard to stay mad at them. They're both pretty funny, good handymen (when you can get them away from the tv!), and well...they both love good cooks.

I won't say that I can't wait til we're celebrating our 40th together, because I can wait. Grey hair and wrinkles are not things I'm looking forward too, but at least we'll be grey and wrinkly together ♥