Happy Birthday Karlie

My sweet little Karlie,

I cannot believe that you're already 1 year old. The past year was a whirlwind and it seems to have just flown by. Your birth is still fresh in my mind, and I praise God for how far you've come everyday. You are truly a miracle baby, my miracle baby.

Your first six months of life were the toughest six months of mine. There were some days that I didn't think I could get out of bed. Some days I just wanted to cry all day. Some days I felt so helpless that I hated myself. But one thought about you and how strong you were was enough to get me going. You are still a fighter and you give me strength everyday.

Watching you grow from the tiny 1 pound, 14 ounces you were at birth, impressing the doctors with your health every step of the way, the many long days and nights in the NICU, feeling forever stuck to that breastpump that I have happily retired, to bringing you home scared to sleep because I didn't want to take my eyes off of you, life in our house has changed dramatically. I love the way you smile at me in the middle of the night while bouncing in your crib with an insane amount of energy. I love the way you watch Kadence's every move, so ready to get up and take on the world on your own. I love the way you scream "Dada dada dada!" out of excitement when he walks into the room (we'll work on the Mama later) I love your screechy cry. I love everything that is Karlie.

I'm so excited to celebrate your 1st Birthday and am even more excited about how much love and happiness the future holds.

Love,
Mama

Birthday Party = Success!

Yay for a fabulous 1st birthday party! Karlie was so adorable in her Minnie Mouse costume, the cake was super delicious and pretty awesome looking (thanks to my amazing hubby!), lots of friends and family. Perfect.

The Birthday Girl




Singing "Happy Birthday"
She LOVED the attention!



Just had to get one in of big sis :)

Playing in her new pool.

Thanks Nana and Papa!

Finding a New Family

For the past year, I have loved staying at home with the girls. I love being able to see every move they make, every milestone they reach, and lounge around in our pj's til noon. But now I feel like it's time to start helping pay some bills. Mostly I just want to be able to buy something for Rob and not have to use his money. What's his is ours, and what's mine is well....I don't have "mine."

I do not want a 9-5 and leave the girls. I really want to open a home daycare. We made a few home improvements, I invested in some preschool-y decor and storage bins, and filled out all of the paperwork to become registered with the state, but after numerous phonecalls, I'm left with no children coming to our home. I know we live in a lower income community and most families either qualify for CCDS or mom stays home, but I really thought after 4 months of advertising, I'd be able to have it up and running.

So yesterday, I had an interview with a family that is looking for a nanny for their 3 children - two daughters: Loralee 12 months, Emalee 27 months, and Aiden their 6-year-old son. And the best part is that they'd let me bring the girls. They are an awesome family, christian, full of love, respectful children. Kadence and Karlie both had a blast playing with the girls. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside seeing them all interacting together. Kadence and Emily running from room to room with Karlie and Loralie crawling right on their heels. I felt a connection with them within the first 5 minutes of meeting them.

The downfall? They live 32 miles from us. I should say, 32 miles north of us, which means I'd have to fight traffic thru downtown and on the northside to get their house. I'd have to leave our house at 7:45 AM and wouldn't get home til 7 PM. That would be ok if it was just me, but I don't want to do that to the girls. Karlie HATES the car. She screams bloody murder at the sight of her carseat.

Last night, they asked me if I could start on Monday and I immediately agreed. But the looooooooong drive home with two cranky girls made me rethink my decision. I couldn't sleep last night. I was thinking about the family all night. How nice they are. How they deserve a good nanny that can stay long-term. I'm not that nanny. I honestly can't see myself driving 64 miles roundtrip 5 days a week. So this morning, I made the call. Mom was completely understanding and said that she and Dad discussed that last night. I explained that I don't want to make a committment to them knowing that in two months I will be sick of driving everyday. I don't want them miss out on another great nanny that can commit to them right now. The phonecall ended with Mom asking if she could call me if she ever needed a last minute sitter and for playdates and of course I agreed.

About 10 minutes later, my phone rang and it was Mom. She said that she would really like to break the ties with their current sitter today because it's not a good environment for her children, and that they would like me to come to their house for the next few weeks until they find a more long-term nanny.

I'm excited! Kadence and Karlie will get to socialize with kids their age, I'll make a little money, and I know that I won't be letting them down in the end. I am a little weary though. When I was nannying for Bram, I completely fell in love with him. Can I say that about a toddler? I miss seeing him everyday, and I know that these lil kids will have me wrapped around their sticky, chubby fingers in no time.

I'm a Mean Mommy

Surpringly enough, no, Kadence didn't call me that...yet. It was Karlie. I tortured her today, well pierced her ears today.

My in-laws pierced Kadence's ears when she was 3 months, and my niece's when she was 2 months. I trust them over a 16-year-old with a piercing gun at the mall. They sterilize everything from the earrings to the towel they hold incase she's a bleeder.

As loving and careful as they are, I will never forget the look on her face when they were holding her down. She wanted me so bad. She didn't understand what was happening. Then she ate a popsicle and now everything is peachy. She's crawling around the house playing with all her toys.

She's fine. But I'm not. I feel so terrible! Why did we decide to pierce her ears? She didn't ask us to. Was it selfish of us? Mean? Abuse? Right now, I'm thinking it is all the bad stuff, because her tears are still fresh in my memory. Then I think about Kadence, and how she cried when she lost an earring a few months ago, and how excited she gets when we go buy new ones. She loves her earrings, but part of me is now thinking that I should have let them choose to pierce their ears when they're old enough.

But all little girls have them, right? That's what I think, and then I think, "If everyone was jumping off a cliff, would I do it, too?" Maybe in a few years, when she's excited about buying new earrings I won't feel so bad. As for now, I'm just going to feel terrible, and enjoy her unconditional love.

Happy Mother's Day

Karlie woke up at 5 this morning and I was blinded by an unusually bright light beside my bed. A new digital picture frame showing off my two beautiful babies! I couldn't enjoy it then, because my eyes just don't work before the sun's up, but DH did so good this year. I'm always surprised when he buys me a present. Whether it's a new charm hidden in the fridge, or my favorite candy and bubblebath waiting for me in the tub, he's great. But what I really really REALLY wanted I didn't get. I just wanted him to cook and clean. I shouldn't complain though, he did do half of what I wanted. He cooked and it was delicious! He's a fabulous chef, but a super messy one. I always have to go hose down the kitchen when he's finished in there and today was no different. Thank you my love.

The best part of my present was the handmade card he gave me, complete with chicken scratch from both of the girls. He's very artistic, but he rarely does anything for me. He drew a pretty flower and wrote in a fancy script and that made my day. Now he'll never be able to buy me a card from the store again! And extra points for the delivery; when Kadence handed it to me she sang, "Happy Birthday Mother Day, Mommy!"

My day would have been perfect had I gotten to see my Mommy. I love her so much, and miss her just as much. I'll get to see her next Sunday for Karlie's party and I can't wait!

Part of me is sad today. I've been thinking about a few of my friends and their angel babies. I want to tell them something, but I don't know what the right thing to say is. I know there isn't a right thing to say, but I'm so good at saying the completely wrong thing that part of me thinks I should just keep my mouth shut. So to you my friends, with tears flowing, here's a poem I found.

A Mother's Day Wish From Heaven

Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing to you from heaven, and though it must appear

A rather strange idea, I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit your stores to find a card

A card of love for my mother, as this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine,

Except I could not find a card, from one who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside

I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know

that though I live in heaven now, I still love my mother so.

She talks with me, and dreams with me; we still share laughter too,

Memories are our way of speaking now, would you see what you could do?

My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.

She writes poems to honor me, sometimes far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells.

She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth

I must find a way, to remind her of her wondrous worth.

She needs to be honored, and remembered too

Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best

I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.

Find a way to tell her, how much she means to me

Until I can do it for myself, when she joins me in eternity.

JODY SEILHEIMER

Where in the world is Minnie Mouse?

I just got home from a long afternoon of searching for birthday party decorations for Karlie's 1st birthday party. Yay, right? No. I am so disappointed! She loves the hot dog song on Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, so we want to have a Minnie Mouse party. She's going to wear Kadence's Minnie Mouse costume from two Halloween's ago. The costume is red, and Minnie's new look on the show is pink. I knew I'd be faced with a challenge finding matching invites and decorations, but I thought for sure I could find some stickers or posters with the classic Minnie look and create something from them. No. No. No. Not only did I not find anything with Minnie in her red dress, the only Minnie I found at all was invites. Everything else is Mickey. Or Mickey and Minnie. Or Mickey and Donald. Or Donald by himself. Or Goofy by himself. No balloons with Minnie. No Napkins. No plates. No goodie bags. Poor Minnie. She used to be so popular, and now she's nowhere to be found.
Anyhow, here's what I came up with for the invites. Now I gotta get started on a few decorations!

Fashion Advice From a 2-Year-Old

If you're not sure what to wear this summer,

try digging into the bottom of your dresser drawers.

Ok, I admit. I haven't cleaned out her clothes in over a year.

But in my defense, now that she's in panties her shorts still fit!

Last year's dress? Now it's a mini and so fabulous.

Last year's shorts? Super daisy duke-like.

And don't forget accessories! Your babydoll's headband and white gloves to match Minnie.

Hey, atleast she's wearing both and not trying to be like Michael Jackson!

How could I put up pictures of #1 without showing off my uber cute #2?

Aren't you jealous of her eyelashes?

BACK TO THE REAL WORLD

Ah, my first blog. Seems like everyone blogs these days, so I thought I'd give it a try. I won't be giving up my journal hidden in my panties drawer anytime soon, but this might be fun.

Should I introduce myself first? I grew up in "The Land of Nothing." That's the Texas panhandle. My graduating class had 26 kids in it. The closest mall was 80 miles. When I got an MIP, my grandparents heard it on the police scanner and called my parents before I got home. We dragged Main Street every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at the top speed of 20 mph or else the 1 cop would ticket you in a heartbeat. I can't complain too much though. I miss my small town life sometimes. No traffic. The tellers at the bank know your name and look up your account before you get to the counter. When something bad happens, all your friends show up before you call them. So after I graduated highschool in two-thousand-nevermind, I moved to Fort Worth and met the man that still gives me butterflies when we kiss. Now I'm living it up in San Antonio. The food. The nightlife. The culture. I love it here. I live just outside of the city, so I can still see the stars at night. I have two lovely, well-behaved daughters (HA!). #1 is a two-and-a-half-year-old smarty pants that loves to be outside and oh-so adventurous. She's a Daddy's Girl for sure, but when she tells me "Love you more than the world Momma" it just makes my day. #2 is my miracle baby, which is a story for another day. She's 11 months, and just the sweetest little thing ever. She has a toothless grin that goes from ear to ear, eyelashes longer than mine, and just melts my heart every moment of the day. DH works hard so that I can stay at home with my monkeys.


Today has been rough so far. DH went back to work today after 5 days of vacation. 5 funfilled days at the coast, fishing, flying kites, being lazy, catching up on laundry, and tackling the neverending "to-do list." But now, the carefree days are over. It's 4:35 in the afternoon, I haven't eaten all day, #2's been napping for about an hour and #1 just fell asleep in her panties in my bed. (I really hope she doesn't have an accident!) So rather than attacking that pile of dirty dishes in the sink or organizing the playroom, I'm going to sit on my bum and watch the end of Oprah.

Oh, Oprah. You just love controversy, and I admit today's episode is pretty interesting. Madeleine McCann's parents are discussing the search for their daughter. Hmmmm.....they wouldn't have to be searching for their daughter if they wouldn't have left their children alone, right? I just can't wrap my mind around why they would leave their kids in the hotel room to go have dinner, even if they were only 130 yards away. 130 yards? I don't even walk across the street to check the mail when my girls are napping. Maybe I should read all of the evidence before I come to a conclusion, but I say their guilty. Guilty of neglect. I think their other 2 children should be taken away from them. But who am I to pass judgement? I'll just love on my lil monkeys even more after watching this garbage.

Now it's 5. Time to start dinner. Take out is sounding really good right now, but those bolillos, zucchini, and mushrooms are gonna go bad if I don't use them today. Ah, joy. More dirty dishes!