I Have Really Caught The Fever

I love babies. I really really really love babies. I love pregnant women. I loved being pregnant (well, with Kadence. NOT with Karlie). I love the way babies smell, even when they've got crusty spitup under their chin or a stinky diaper. I love baby feet. I love delicious baby rolls. I just love everything about babies.

So just when Robert and I have discussed and decided on whether or not we'll be expanding our family, one of my friends has to bring a beautiful new baby into this world, and it just makes me sick. Baby fever. I want another baby so bad right now I can barely keep myself away from Rob. (TMI? Maybe.)

BUT this isn't what Rob and I decided. We decided that two is it for us. We love our girls. He loves being the man of the house. He loves having to take care of all of his big chicken girls. We've decided that another baby (right now anyway) would really stretch our budget to the limit. And thinking about the future and how stressed out moms look when their chasing their brood of children through the aisles at the store, or running after a stray child at the zoo, and how expensive it is to go anywhere and do anything, we are both happy with the nice even number 2. And to be selfish, I want sleep. I can count on one hand the number of good night's of sleep I've had in the past 3 years. And I want to be able to go out on dates with Rob again. Another boob addicted baby who's motto is "death by bottle" would totally send us back to the beginning and make this all a dream again.

I've always dreamed of a huge family and I want Robert to have a son to play football with and take fishing. I think it would be good for the girls to have a little brother to look out for them and kick butt when boys are mean to them. BUT Rob has taught Kadence how to throw already and she loves going fishing with him. She kills bugs with her fingers, loves to get help him work outside, and is already an avid sports fan. Kadence and Karlie are already bestfriends and I know they'll stick up for eachother...so do we really need another kid?

The biggest reason I don't want more kids is become I am scared to death about having another c-section. Karlie's emergency c-section was the most terrible thing ever. It was so scary. The recovery sucked and I didn't even have a newborn to take care of. My midwives have already told me they're ready for a VBAC, but I know that there's still a chance of something going wrong and that really worries me. C-sections suck. On the other hand, I was not satisfied with Kadence's birth and Karlie's was just traumatic, so I really want to have a good memory of childbirth and maybe if we have another child then I'll be able to have a homebirth and be satisfied. BUT maybe not.

Now I'm all undecided now all over again. I guess only time will tell...